Day 19 out of 90 Part 1: Listening to Shame

Brené Brown: Listening to Shame

Lots of thinking about the women who would have preferred that I die sitting on the White Horse than fall down.  I think that when you are successful or at the center, the leader of projects, groups, people, even women, see you from a male perspective: in control, always right, fully responsible, strong...and when you fall, show your vulnerability, it is not accepte that you, the strong one can possibly fall apart like this...It was okay that I got hurt, but I needed to stay on the white horse so that their hope could survive. Like the Red Riding Hoods clearly said, "You held our little girl dreams of being dancers and you did not deliver. You let us down".

So, what do leader men do who fall off the horse and the needy followers around them destroy him to pieces only to save their romantic dreams. The male is the holder of the romantic dream of the woman. So, if he is too vulnerable and cannot do it alone, the female discards of him so to find another romantic savior.

This is what happened to me. This is why I got raped. In my most vulnerable state, this is when the females tore me apart. For L, E, L, A, S, S and the RRHs, I was the holder, the knight in shining armour saving them from their little lonely lives. When I was tired, run-down, raped from my vitality, they devoured and changed direction, blaming me for talking too much, being too weak, not strong enough to hold their dreams.